What's happening? What is the reason for us to become liddat? i seriously dun tink i had done anything wrong to deserve such treatment from u lo.. I admit i was irritating, pester u etc.. but it's all coz i wanna salvage this relationship of ours.. In fact, I see tis breakup is totally pointless lo..
I tried being friendly.. to try like be normal but why does it seems so hard to re-establish the friendship? muz we really dun care each other and go on our own way? act as thou we dun even noe each other at all? haiz.. why WHY WHY!!! and HOW? ting evolve liddat wad iz the ting i done that make it liddat or wad is the ting she tink i did made things become so jialat.. How cani reverse things and make things bettA? like as fren? haiz...
God guide mi help mi..
pls.. i need ur help.. =(
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I'm not a perfect person
as many things I wish I didn't do
but I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
it's something I must live with everyday
and all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why I need you to hear
I've found a resaon for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before I go
that I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
to change who I used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that I do
and the reason is you..
I love U still.. PLs come bacK? tml gonna see her.. dunno wad to react
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
Haiz.. My feelings.. didn't changed at all.. I am not happy for now.. i seems so pessimistic.. all coz of the things happened to mi..
I hate my life.. i starting to dread going school.. i been trying to avoid her everytime possible.. coz i noe if i see her, i will lose control.. Right now i dunno wad i can do to make situation seems betta.. How to get her stop feeling so negative towards mi and be friendly instead..
I really dun Understand how things become the way it is now..
She treating mi as thou we were enemy.. But bear in mind.. we aint enemy u noe!? so why hate mi so much.. haiz.. juz wish that there is sth i can do to ease all the negative feelings she had in mi..
Should i gib up as her please?
If i gib up = I wont be happy.. She is selfish..
If I dun gib up = She wont be happy.. I selfish..
So wad should i choose? if i gib up, i lose my happiness for hers.. then who will be giving mi my happiness..
Haiz i wan her back alot.. and very deeply.. I love her for her imperfectness and virtues.. i dun wan any to be gone now.. i wished things can juz be back the way it is b4.. haiz..
Tired frm projects etc.. juz feel like dying.. Suicide or wad.. haiz.. Xiang Bu kai..
Adeline.. Wo Ai Ni!
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
Went Out w/ Leroy today.. hai.. Gotta say sorry to him man.. ask him shop w/ mi.. and in the end.. wad i did was....... Dazing.. every clothes shop i passed by, Doesn't motivate mi to buy anything.. nth seems to "Shine" in my eyes.. haiz.. instead my mind and my eyes keep looking around.. and keep having "HOPE CAN SEE HER" kinda tinking.. And suddenly i had grown so sensitive to "Long Straight Hair" gals.. or the pattern, build and hairstyle same as her..
I really very sick of this lifestyle i am going thru.. I hate MY LIFE now.. Everything seems crumbling down onto mi..
At the cross-section between Bugis village and Sim Lim Square, There is this pillar telling the fortune of the various Zodiac Sign this yr.. Says my love life will be betta.. go Smooth and lotsa good things etc.. i see and see.. Izzit really sO?
I dun tink so lo.. Now.. I dunno if she HATES mi, ANGRY w/ mi or IRRITATED by mi for the things i had done.. I really dunno.. ask her if can tok nicely, no reply.. Wad can and Wad Should I really DO?
Went to FUNKAMANIA to support TP's 1 and only team who got into the Finals.. But guess the other 9 teams ( Finals has 10 teams ) were strong thus, we nv won anything..
But nvm.. GOOD JOB GUYS! =) U tried ur best JIA you for next year agaiN! =)
Msged Keat a few days back.. asking him why ade is hating mi so much/ avoids mi.. Haiz.. he said coz of all the things i done... Pester her and her frenz and letting "so many" ppl noe wad happened! I was like WTH? I nv spread lor! ppl found out themselves lor! the only person i told is Joanne, Jeff and my clique but i asked them to remain silence.. coz i really need ppl to confide in.. and i was accused of spreading? Seriously.. I tink i been misunderstood By her in alot of things alot of eventS!.. What can i do to reverse back when i cant tok to her personnally.. IF that's so, Any human will find the next best alternative to do things tat's to "Find friends to help" WHo wouldn't? Haiz.. So many unanswered Qns.. really dunno why she treating mi liek enemy now.. Why she can juz break up and seems to be happy as thou we didn't had those 5 months 20 days of exp..
I noe she is tired.. But.. wont "resting" be enuff? Or i didn't even get her enuff time to "rest"? I really dunno.. the more i wan tings to be ok, get simpler and betta, the worse things become.. and it had already got out of hand already...
Sms her.. tok to her.. gib mi some sense of relieve.. but after awhile, it gave mi pain.. Coz it seems as thou it is bad to send her sms now.. =(
Does she still loves mi? What can i do to get her heart and make her recall her feeling back if she claimed its no more? How to be her frenz again and pick up again? How to patch things up?
Now i hate the way i am bein treated.. Avoidance.. IGnores.. I am so alone alone.. PPL got their own bf/gf, Close friends, Close Clique.. whom they can tok to, being accompanied.. I seems so so.. Alone.. I keep telling myself to giv up on adeline.. but how to? When memories of the 5 months 20days of life tgt keep striking back... I really cannot control myself.. haiz...
Does giving up and dun bother her = Giving her happiness? Love her?
If that's so.. Who will be dere to giv mi my happiness? Why cant we work it 2 ways? =(
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
Woke up not long ago.. HAiz.. the feelings came back again.. It's an on and off thing.. i feel so painful.. How to gib up a 5 months + relationship so easily? She keep asking mi not to bother her and gib up.. How can she gib up so fast?!? Wad is she tinking? Wad happen that made her had her resolution so fasT?
I Dunno... I keep looking back.. Been slping late on purpose.. so i wont dream of her.. but each time, It failed!! I been dreaming almost every Single night abt her.. Abt us.. Abt how we had patch things up and things starting to revolve happily ard us as thou we are the happiest couple on EArth!.. I really wan my dreams to come true badly.. Sobz..
Every single morning. wake up.. looking at my own hp.. i will feel so sad.. and so painful.. Always, morning u will send mi a sms.. be it morning sms or normal.. it has always been sweet to open my eyes and see ur sms as the first ting i seen for the day..
Now Everything is Gone.. Why couldn't things patch up? I tink back, look back.. and tink again.. What could possibly cause us to become so far apart? I juz couldn't find tat ANSWER I am searching.. SO.. Wad's Wrong??????
I am at wits end.. i dunno wad to do. Everything i do seems WRONG.. how can i get rid of this feelings i am having.. I miss her so much till i wanna cry.. coz i really MISS HER!!!! Sobz.. I wan her back.. How to win her heart back.. ='( SObz.. TELL MI!!! HELP MI !! SOMEONE!!!!!
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Smsed Ade to try toking to her.. guess i blow things up Again.. Sigh.. I got misunderstood again.. why wont she try understanding how i feel when i am now trying hard to understand her.. Like How she is feeling, Why is she behaving liddat, Treating mi liddat?
Haiz.. I tink back.. and tink and tink and tink.. I see no reason for the break up.. Keat told mi i done sth wrong tat time.. it's coz of sth i done.. But i cant remember!! Now the feeling is like.. i lost the gal i Love Most.. I really wanna noe wad i done wrong? cant i Be juz given 1 more chance to change?
JUZ 1 MORE!??!
I dunno if she ever will come to read my blog again.. but.. If she does, I wan her to know.. I really love her alot and i cant gib up on this 5 months of relationship.. 5 months of bittersweet memories we had been tgt.. Afterall, We had already gone thru obstacles b4 and overcomed it.. so why cant we give it a try once more?
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
4 more days., supposingly is out 7th months.. =( HAiz.. Cried juz now.. When confiding in Joanne..
And ytd., watch the Campus Super Star got this song called "Zui Sou Xi De Mou Sheng Ren" Which means "The most Familiar Stranger" So true to mi.. once we were a couple in love deeply.. now we are like a complete strangers... Haiz..
Can Time go back to the Past? Date: 10/10 on her bday? WHY?
Coz it's when things were still fine.. and i wished i can go back to correct everything so i wont feel so miserable now.. I cant lift my smile up.. All i can do is juz to act a strong front in front of my family and frenz.. TO show them i had move on.. and Happy already..
BUt the FAct is I am NOT!.. I am juz a weakling deep down.. MY result so good so wad? the one i really wanted to share w/ is gone! Haiz..
Wad does she wan? I am willing to gib up anything for her.. juz to make her happy and come back... Haiz...
God.. Pls dun play w/ mi anymore.. let her come back to mi.. I cant take it anymore.. I am going crazy and depresss!!!
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
Raining For days le.. I guess.. No one other than the weather (GOD) maybe the one who really understands my mood all the times.. it's been like this for years.. Always when it rains it's the time where i am feeling sad or when i am actually crying.. Haiz.. Thx god.. for ur rain.. Althou i hate it.. but when it comes, it comforts mi From the state i am in.. I love U..
My results:
UO2 : 74
PSLP : 70
PCI : 83
ICP : Dunno yet but heard is 80+
So wad if i did well for my papers? Althou its my first time getting so high, i dun feel happy at all.. Adeline isn't dere for mi anymore.. i wanted to share my joy w/ her.. but I cant.. The feeling of sharing it w/ her and sharing w/ other frenz.. is totally different.. Haiz..
Is she really happier in her way now? for mi i am not.. i am looking forward for her return.. Am i supposed to sacrifice my happiness for her happiness? Even if i do that, will she noe? appreciate? So many uncertain factors... But i do love her..
PPL says.. Love is sacrificial.. If u really love the person u wont mind sacrificing.. I dun mind.. but i wan her to noe wad i do.. sigh.. I dunno wwad i saying.. all i wish is her to come back.. Simple Love her too much.. her change of heart is so fast.. so fast so i cant stop and tink why.. I really wanna noe the reason behind all that had happened..
But.. No matter how badly i wan to noe the truths, i will nv come close to it.. Coz.. She still ignores mi... =(
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
Feelin rather down recently.. Why? Becoz of the same old things again.. haiz..
Went for an audition at outram park today.. Some singing things.. alot of ppl man.. but still, went for it coz of my fren... then Sang "An Jing" haha anyway i tink i wont get in but.. oh well i had the "Fun" ya? haha.. But awhile later, went to PS w/ her frenz.. and more of her Fren fren.. haha. friendly bunch of ppl... haha.. But.. suddenly.. as i walked to more places in PS, memories flows.. i miss her... I missed all the time wher i can hug her.. play w/ her.. tok to her.. smile to her.. kiss her.. so many things.. I juz missed her real bad..
I dunno why she still so angry and ignoring mi.. Sms her still no reply.. which left mi having no courage to take any step further.. Such as calling her.. I wished i could tok to her.. so much so i break into tears at times missing her..
I noe i am not moving on.. It's not i cant.. juz tat i dun wan i tink.. Coz i noe myself clearly I CANT FIND ANY BETTA GAL THAN HER!! Juz wish she willstill visit my blog to noe how i feel.. juz wanna Ade to gib us 1 more chance to work out again.. Pls... God bless..
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
Tok to her in MSN.. finally she replied.. I felt so happy at that very instant so happy it's like when u r young, ur dad buy u a sweet liddat.. But very fast, offline.. maybe she tired already or maybe she wan to go off soon coz of mi ba? Still wondering if her blog the latest post, does it has even the tiny bits to do w/ mi.. I dunno.. Tok to her.. and she sounds cold to mi.. I wondering can i start from the scratch again.. I dunno if i can do it.. but i am gonna try to win her heart back.. Still pondering.. If i should even try callin her.. to chat? wil she chat w/ mi? or NO.. Still tinking thru.. and her post in her blog.. still tinking if it even has the tiny bits related to mi at all..
New year Resolution:
1)To get her back so i can love her again and make her happy
2)Get good result
3)My whole family "Jian Jian Kang Kang"
4)Nth more.. Juz 1 Prime resolution.. tat's to get her back.. my ultimate goal to amend my mistakes.. and love her once more..
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Woke up in the afternoon.. Then had a NIGHTMARE.. of ade.. how she departs mi.. haiz.. Then the dreams is sad, stupid and wierd... Still the same.. she asked for break.. then ask her why, she say "Coz u too oily, I like clean ppl" I was like HUH? and woke up.. ya.. practically that's wad i remember only..
Then read her blog.. again and again and again.. feel like calling her.. Still hestitatin.. I scare she wont pick up.. and.. ya.. might make tings worse.. wanna tok to her abt the things in her blog and ask for her well being.. sigh.. how should i do?
Can i call? will she pick up? I wonder..
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My Right Leg injured again.. sigh.. same spot as the time i fall into the drain when sending her home... Haiz.. Exactly the same spot.. and exactly how immobile i become.. like crippled.. Zzz..
Went to workplace for christmas party.. haha i tink i drank a lil too much.. so i got tipsy.. and wow.. the world is spinning.. haha then my cousins came to eat dinner over.. And I Juz came back from K box.. Every songs.. Bring BAck memories.. Especially, "I cross My Heart", "Ni Zhui Zhen Gui"... Haiz... Juz hope everything will be betta.. as in best is of coz she come back to mi..
Read her blog... Her "Thought"... I really wonder if it's written to tell mi that.. or sth liddat which made mi feel like smsing her... or tml call her in the morning.. to tok to her.. at least try calling.. been reaching 1 month since we last spoken..
This relationship, is not i cannot put down... Or rather... i dun wan to put down.. If it's puzzling why am i so foolish, I would say it's becoz of the tiny bit of hope i am holding on.. and i am very certain.. i will NV FIND OTHER GAL BETTA THAN HER.. I have been going out the past few days.. town etc.. looked ard at ppl.. at gals.. Look and Look juz made mi felt worst... Coz all the gals i seen, NONE is even the tiny bit betta than her.. haiz.. I juz pray she will come back to me 1 day..
I wan to tell u( Ade ) Ur blog tat thoughts, I can say, even if u find ppl similar in characteristics/personality w/ u, there bounds to be probs too.. Probs is juz part and parcel in a relationship.. and Compromising and A ccommodating is needed to maintain tat balance between us.. It's oso the bridge that link us, give us chance to understand each other.. I juz wan u to noe.. wad i had done to u tat time.. I was kinda under depression due to the surrounding stress like studies etc.. And i realised my mistakes le.. Giving in too much MAY / MAY NOT be tiring.. I Still loves u... and i dun mind giving in to u at all.. Or i juz hope we can sit down and tok abt the probs we see in the relationship and tackles it instead of keepin Quiet abt it.. If u managed to find someone of similar lifestyle to u, and yet the person dun wanna accommodate u, isn't it bad? Giving In is betta than giving Up... Tat's the key sentence...
I'm more than willing to do anything for u.. juz as long as u r happy and i still in hope to get u back.. Waiting for u..
Juz wanted to be given a chance to make u smile, happy, laugh by mi again..
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
30/12 went swimming w/ Xiao Jing.. And saw a rainbow... started wondering if it's the sign that everything is betta? I dunno... Then got to know that she broke off w/ jeff ytd... then i begin toking to her.. telling her.. wad's her flaws.. that she is becoming like how i treat ade... then i told her to try changing lorz.. haiz... seriously.. i noe my mistakes.. i juz wan things to patch back the way it was..
Later, went to sch.. gone for the audit tok.. and saw her.. at the end of it, she was standing by e door waiting for someone.. I really kinda wonder who she was waiting.. and when she tok to her guy frenz, i juz cant help getting jealous over it.. like.. How i wish i can still tok to her... and she will reply.. In the end, Xiao Jing and Jeff patched back on that day itself..
Next i went to work..
31/12 went to meet my sec sch frenz to eat dinner.. haha.. NCC reunion.. once per year.. fun thou.. as we chatted all the things in the past.. nice to tok and remember the past.. of all the stupid yet funny acts we had done/experiences.. after dinner, walked all the way to marina Square.. and that's where i saw HER... I started wondering izzit fate or not? or I juz tinking too much... If it's fate, i tink it's playing w/ mi.. PLaying w/ my heart.. leaving behind so many scars on it.. Nv went to say hi.. instead i started typin a sms... but.. b4 i could finished, i already go le.. as i walked pass her, i knock onto the window and said bye to her.. and she waves... then i sent her the sms i initially wanted to send..
Den went to clark quay and met up w/ weiming they all to go bryan hse after their work.. As time go closer to 12am, i panicked, hestitating whether i should sent her tat sms... after 30mins, i decided to send... but ended up feeling stressed and sad abt it.. coz.. She nv reply again.. =(
Up till now, i still dunno wad's going on.. All i can blame is myself.. The mistakes i had committed.. It's always been mi ruining my own relationships.. coz of my negative feelings.. like jealousy, depression etc.. haiz.. I had too many flaws.. Juz feel so Sucky right now.. Can i get her back? can i get the chance to? =(
LAter at bryan hse, heard meiyen and bryan broke le... coz of wad bryan did.. and he realised his mistakes... Den i heard they kissed... So.. i guess they are fine already....
WHY God.. WHY!!! WHy cant Mi and Ade be the same as those 2 above? Be tgt again.. Be given 1 more chance to Let us carry on this relationship again? Are we really NOT COMPATIBLE?!?
It's a New Year.. a New Start.. Can I be Given the Chance to Start Afresh Again?
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
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