ArgH!!!!! I feeling so pissed Off NOW!!!! Reading her blog again... coz i saw her online.. then i feel Very FRUSTRATED, AnGry and Sad.. that I cant DO A THING!!! TO protect e gal the love.. ArgH!!! What Can I dO!!!?!?! How can i convey my msg to her...
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Thursday.. 2 more papers to go.. =D~ Should i be happy or sad? hmm.. i dunno..
Woke up at 7.30.. then fall back to slp till 8am.. and within that 30mins of "Sleep" I dream of Adeline again.. It's been like this for every single night eva since...........
Then wad i can remember is.. i touch her waist.. then she pull my hand to her belly and i hugged her... and SHE HUGGED back!! And of coz i drop tears coz i'm touched and happy she finally came back to mi..
then later i asked her.. "From that day till now izzit becoz u wanna cool off that why u wanted a break?"
She answered "Yes, and u certainly took a longer time to cool down den mi.."
I asked "Can we continue from where we had stopped TAT day?"
She Nodded..
Then i was very very happy.. and i piggy back her all the way to 1 place ( dunno where ) then We laugh and smile as we chat..
And everything juz returned to normal.. and i and her is our happy self again...
I hope my dream will come true... I really didn't expect i would fall so deep or love a gal so much.. which i had nv had this feeling for my other gfs b4..
And
I hope i can be put to slp 4eva and always, dream abt her.. For that's where i can tok laugh smile w/ her..
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Read her blog and really got worried abt her.. like she got shock in lab and cried..
I really Wanted to call her or sms her Ytd at the moment i read abt it.. but..
I'm afraid she still haven cooled down.. and my sms/call will juz make things worse..
I really care alot and concern alot for her.. Althou i noe it's kinda useless to feel all these 4 her..
But the prob is i still do CAre/Feel/Concern abt her.. HAiz..
I hate the situation now.. i cant do teh things i wanted to...
Juz wished everything to be norm back.. back to the way they are..
All i asked for is juz.... 1 more chance..
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I am being beaten back.. To my past again.. Juz like How i was in everybody's lives...
I'm nth more Than a....
Passer-by.. =(
Muz it always end liddat?
What had i done to make her so angry w/ mi?
I really wish to tok to u.. i tink u r mistakening sth...
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Today.. 14/12/05.. Supposingly to be our.. 6th months already.. am i still living in the false world? who dare nt face reality or am i juz trying to be stubborn and wished everything nv happened..
I tink i going for Both... =( Haiz.. I juz wish everything will go smoothly now.. I feel so much hurtx again.. Coz of "today's event" I really wished i can still shower her w/ my gifts.. and letters.. love and care.. Will those days be back eva again?
I juz wish upon the sky that it will.. If there's anything in my wishlist now,
There will only be 1..
Adeline Chang Wei Tian
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Haiz.. Sad and Cried again.. Juz when i tot i'm betta already.. Flipped thru my drawer.. then saw all the letters she gave mi.. Especially that "Dairy" one.. i opens and Read... the past really makes mi drop tears.. I dun like it to be called the past.. i really wan the story to continue.. It really makes mi wan to go back to the time again.. Sobz.. To the time where we spent happily.. My heart hurts so much more..
I really misses those times... I wanna go back to the times when we had happy moment.. I want.. I wish.. I hope..
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"KOKWEI!! Wake UP!! She is nt coming back.. No Use Crying.. She is not urs anymore!! Stop hoping she'll be back!!!"Every morning i been telling myself that.. to hold back my tears and control myself.. The feelings are painful.. I had nv felt so much pain in a relationship b4.. ytd heard frenz telling mi "Fri i saw her w/ a guy on the train", "Hey kok, i saw ur gf juz now at tm alone m1 shop dere" I wanted to like sms her juz to ask why is she alone is she alright.. these questions..I really concern so much abt her.. i dunno why.. But the moment i typed out the sms i tink.. will she read? will she find mi a bug still? I dunno.. I like couldn't let go.. and in sch.. I can see ade, Acting a strong front to others.. others may see she is ok.. but i noe.. and i can feel it.. she is not..i juz really wan to make her smile nt juz superficially.. but in her heart oso.. I felt so helpless..~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
I wasn't able to concentrate on studies.. Right now, i'm still wearing the ring.. in hope for her to return.. I really wished to noe the truths behind this breakup.. What's her reason for her sudden drastic change in attitude.. Haiz..
I wish and i hope.. we'll be able to b tgt.. if nt, still be her good fren..
Brown panthers personality is very cheerful, and free from care. Such character attracts people and helps to build up network of connections. Brown Panthers have very pure heart, and dislike anything crooked. You devote to others full heartedly and faithfully.You are very independent and at the same time a hard worker. Because of this personality, other people naturally see you as a leader.Money wise, and in personal relations, you have good fortunes.You are weak in sales and bargaining. You tend to lack to see insight, but smartness is Brown Panthers belief, so you can negotiate in your own pace, and can lead the others to come along. You are strong willed person with pride, and do not like to loose. You get interested in many things and tend to challenge new things. But you lack the last step forward, and therefore need more modest effort making.You have a personality of a daydreamer. When this fantasy leads to real project, it can end up in development of extremely unique item that may sell millions. You are suited to idea creating occupations such as in advertisement. However, you are not too good at balancing out the money and the work, so you need to be careful on that.
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This is my 1st time feeling so hurt in a relationship.. I can say she is the one i eva loved so much.. Haiz.. my heart hurts physically nt juz mentally.. she totally ignored mi, dun wan anything related to mi, del my testi tat i wrote for her and nv reply my MSn msg.. Why muz she do till so extreme!?!?!
I really wonders.. will we eva be fren still? izzit so hard? Why is she treating mi the way she nv treated mi b4.. treat mi like her enemy.. But i'm nt her enemy.. What had i done to deserve such treatment from her? It's making mi afraid of sch now.. =( I'm afraid to see her.. to see her ignore mi.. treat mi like a stranger..
I juz wan to b her fren.. Why Muz heaven play w/ my fate till liddat.. Juz when i tot i found the right person, she ditched mi.. I'm sad.. i lost a nice gal.. who stand up to my complains all day long.. When i wanted to change for her, she left mi..
Will she be back? even if it's juz an ordinary friend?
Today went to marina square, suntec, esplande.. the few places we always been.. i kept a lookout for her.. but to no valid.. instead i saw clement,victor they all.. Memories of the past flows back.. I even ate the beef brisket.. Haiz..
I'm upset w/ myself for losing a nice gal.. It's all my fault.. i'm the worst guy on earth.. Maybe it's why my relationship always dun last.. I juz wan a lasting relationship.. why cant it happen to mi..
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What she is doing nw is juz simply ask mi to Stay away from her and dun get into her sight..
I get that Message very well now..
All that i have in doubt are her sudden change in attitude.. i dun understand why she suddenly so fierce to mi.. and suddenly dun love mi anymore..
Maybe i really irritated her to the extreme by my actions the past few days..
I will let this relationship go le..
Maybe in the future, if FATE allows and there's still hope, we can be back tgt again..
Right now i juz wish to be her friend.. and hope she'll stop treating mi the way she is treating mi now..
I'll juz let natural take course..
IF she is mine, she will be..
I will continue to wait for her..
My heart is no longer dere.. it's empty now.. and broken..
Who will fixed my heart?
The ans: Only Adeline Chang Wei Tian
Nt blogging anymore.. coz no one will read le.. She's gone.....
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Heart still hurting as much.. This is the first time my heart eva hurt so much due to a break up..
As compare to the rest of my relationships, i can say Ade is the best gal of all.. She's a nice gal.. But right now, we cant even b frenz.. why she wan to ignore and avoid mi? izzit becoz the past few days i been trying to tok things to her and i keep asking frenz to help? that made the situation beyond my control?
Right now, i can only hope, we can start afresh.. from frenz again.. where i will slowly work myself up to win her back again.. i juz wish to be frenz and start all over again.. Why wont she gib mi a chance... =(
Last nite i had so many dreams.. all are dreams of her.. but the only one i can remember is we got back tgt again.. and everything is revolving happily ard us.. I really wish that would happen.. I kept tinking.. i got no one to spend christmas.. I always wanted to spend christmas eve, christmas, new yr eve, new yr and valentine w/ the gal i love.. and i actually foresee till so far.. I juz wished by then everything will turn out good..
I really juz wanna her.. simply juz her.. i can forgo everything in my hand.. my money etc.. i juz wan her, my family and frenz thats all.. Why always so many complicated things happen to mi..
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I guess i did sth wrong.. I lost my control today.. to her best fren.. Haiz.. regretting wad i did now.. But guess wad's done is done.. i betta stop doing anything.. i feel so tired already.. Got fever.. and sth happened to my mum..
I feel so bad making my mum cried.. Coz today i say earlier, i feel like committing suicide.. I hurt her heart so much unknowingly.. My heart hurts more now.. for my mother and ade... Pls god guide mi thru.. make mi strong to withstand all Downs in my life..
I said all i wanted to say already.. i juz feel like taking a step down.. and wait for her to contact mi again...
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Read her blog and she says she is living a life betta than b4.. Is she trying to make mi "Shi Xin"? or it's wad she is feeling now? I dunno.. BUt 1 thing for sure is....
I'm the cause of her unhappiness.. That's wad i can say or interpret from her words..
Even if i wanted to change for the betta, i have no chance to do that now..
Can i still get her back? I dun tink so already.. if leavin her can make her feel happier than she is w/ mi.. I tink................ Sobz.... the only way i can show my love to her.. is by letting her go now.. Quietly watch over her safety and happiness.. My heart hurts.. Shattered into million pieces.. So hard to pick up..
Why God is so unfair..There She says she is feeling so much betta.. and here i am.. CRYING..
I wanna run away from reality... i wish i can get sth like a coma and slp for long and forget everything..
Haiz.. I dun tink i can find another gal like Adeline.. I juz wan exactly the same kind of gal as her..
She is my longest gf.. and even thou i am her longest bf.. I doubt she enjoy the time in the past w/ mi.. If she did, she would have been like mi tinking the sweet things we did in the past.. and wan to get back as badly as i wan to..
IT'S ALL MY FAULT for unable to keep such a nice gal like her.. She is my kinda dream gal.. Now, I can only wait.. wait till her feelings is back.. i dunno if i can get her back at all.. chances are near 0 or it is 0%.... BUT 1 thing for sure is I wont wanna find another gf other than her.. or juz noe new gals.. My confidence is being Beaten.. I wanna close myself.. I'm afraid now.. So afraid... Sobz.. I wan things to return... For Only she can bring back my happiness and smile..
Thus, I have decided that I will wait for her..It may be fruitless.. But.. I am going to do it..And If she's nt coming back.. I'm nt going into another relationship anymore.. Coz i noe deep in my heart.. I wont find a betta gal than her.. No one can eva replace her position in my heart..
I'll nv gib her up.. and give up my love for her... I may be foolish.. but that's wad i wan to do.. Even no matter how much she reject mi.. I'll be the guy.. Opening my arms always to welcome her back anytime as long as she want.. As long as u want to patch back, i will be more than welcome to accept u back...
I JUZ WANNA SHOUT!!! I WANNA COMPLAIN!!! WHY IS MY LOVE LIFE SO UNSUCCESSFUL!!! I HATE MYSELF!!! I SUCKS!!!! I ALWAYS MADE MY OWN RELATIONSHIP DIE OFF!! I SUCKS I SUCKS I SUCKS!!!! THIS WORLD DUN NEED ME!!!
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I feeling very Tong Ku now..
I cant control myself to stop crying, stop hurting..
I got to know she will be at tamp mall starbucks at 5pm for the free coffee..
I really couldn't make up my mind to go and find her or not to..
I'm so afraid she will be irritated and sad and angry if i appear over dere.. Sobz..
I'm home now.. i dunno if i made the wrong decision by nt going.. MY heart hurts so much to nt contact her..
I missing her Badly.. REally very badly..
I been controlling my heart.. controlling my feelings.. Control myself nt to call, nt to sms.. nt to find her.. But it's hurting mi so much.. Why can't things be the same anymore?!?!? Someone tell mi why? and wad exactly is happening can?! haiz...
Pls.. Let this event go away soon!!! Pls.. I simply juz wan her to come back to mi.. where i can love her, care for her.. tok to her.. and meet her.. Provide her happiness.. I feeling so BTH.. So Sore.. So painful.. I wan things to go back the same.. back to how we used to be..
I'm shivering.. shivering w/ fears.. I scare everything i do juz keep going wrong!!!! I want to avoid seeing her in school.. But as much as i wan to avoid seeing her.. i really want to see her!!! I dunno why.. i juz wanna tok to her again.. i wanna call her again.. i wanan sms her again.. i wanna go out w/ her again.. How can i make things come out fine.. i juz wanna go back!!!! Sobz...
My heart nv stop aching.. I feel like dying.. Life is so meaningless w/o her.. What i experiencing now is even worst than deatH!!! I went counselling earlier.. i really taking it so hard that idun wan and dun wish her to leave me... I wan her to come back..
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After toking to my 3rd ex, I found out wad she said is really very true... things abt mi..
MY FLAWS
Like wad i tink.. this relationship is really my fault... that it ended..
It's all becoz of my personality in love..
I'm too dominative like always wan ppl to do this and tat to my bidding.. i realised that i shouldn'y liddat
and she told mi when i am in a relationship, i tend to "Fan" the gal alot.. Then i argued say "but that means I'm devoted wad? and i concentrate my time almost all on her" then she say, devoted is good, but devoted and "Fan", Not give the gal time to breathe and tink is 2 diff matters..
I tink i noe her freedom.. it means air and space.. I nv gave ade her own air and space to breathe and tink.. I was too hasty..
I'm oso very sticky to gal.. and it's bad.. coz when i stick, the other party wont have the space of her own.. and the way i tok to her is like dominative and selfish.. like i juz wan tings going the way i wanted..
And dominative in a sense i tok, others muz listen.. but i argued "Of coz when u tok u wan other to listen ar?" Then she say "Ya.. But, As time passes, it will become irritating" I really tink this is the point that caused this to happen.. (the breakup)
I oso tend to prompt alot even when the person dun feel like talking, i "ying ying" wan them to tok.. then wan them to hear mi out..
I'm very weak, Fragile like a vase in relationship.. i wan to be strong and grow.. For her...
After knowing all these, i'm nt sad that i got so many flaws but instead i wanna improve and change all of them.. I really wanna ade to noe this and gimme a chance.. to do all that i can 4 her.. i really stressed her out too much.. =( I really Pray she will read my blog..
wad's the "RIGHT" tng i should do
º~ ♥♡♥Çhßî§ (｡◕‿◕｡)כריס Gûowéi ♥♡♥º:5months 20 days..Am i suppose to do NTH!?!? HOw can i save our relationshiP!?!(C->L->T) says:
now
º~ ♥♡♥Çhßî§ (｡◕‿◕｡)כריס Gûowéi ♥♡♥º:5months 20 days..Am i suppose to do NTH!?!? HOw can i save our relationshiP!?!(C->L->T) says:
can tell mi?
Fn kL` Speak Korean to the giraffe and they will pee in front of you... lol.. says:
leave her alone
Fn kL` Speak Korean to the giraffe and they will pee in front of you... lol.. says:
if she really love u
Fn kL` Speak Korean to the giraffe and they will pee in front of you... lol.. says:
n want u back
Fn kL` Speak Korean to the giraffe and they will pee in front of you... lol.. says:
she'll call
Fn kL` Speak Korean to the giraffe and they will pee in front of you... lol.. says:
trust me
Fn kL` Speak Korean to the giraffe and they will pee in front of you... lol.. says:
gif her time to sort her thoughts
Fn kL` Speak Korean to the giraffe and they will pee in front of you... lol.. says:
quietly n calmly
Fn kL` Speak Korean to the giraffe and they will pee in front of you... lol.. says:
nw u can only hope for the best
Ya all i can do now is hope by the end of the "Cool down" period, she will tink thru and come back to mi... and most impt, nt to irritate her...
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Watching the 9pm show.. Suddenly, I WAs very attracted to the guy's speech juz now.. it says,
I love her.. But,
I cant hate her or the person she fancy juz becoz she rejected my love.
Love can be selfish But It has to be rational too
I cant get ruled by my heart over my head..
After hearing that i tink i Am RULED by my heart over my head.. That's making mi do irrational things like today, walked up to tok to her..... And told her next wed try not to go out w/ her parents to M`sia.. coz of sth.. I tink she misinterpret my speech.. Tinking i might do sth terrible or harm to her and her family... I mean, I'm nt this kinda ppl.. i dun do this kinda things, u been w/ mi for 5 mths +, dun u understand mi?
The fact is I Juz wanna giv u wad i intentionally wanted to.. for Our 6th month.. and it's juz a bear.. Not anything u might think of.. but oh well.. she's nt gonna noe this fact already coz i dun tink she will eva come here and read my tots.. and i wouldn't dare to do tat.. Juz afraid we cant even be frenz..
My dad is right.. when he ask mi to ask myself, Who am i to her? I tink and tink, I have becomed a nobody to her.. or to be exact, an irritating guy to her.. I noe i shouldn't irritate her anymore. and the only way to do that is to stop contacting her.. but.. It's so hard for mi to do.. It's becoz, As much as i wan and wished, i wan her to come back.. I noe i am stubborn and irritating.. it's all becoz I LOVE YOU!!
She said in such a way, i have no more chances Not even a single 1.. I really dun understand wad i done to make us break... I mean it happened so fast.. So fast that i couldn't even tink at all.. and juz "BOOM!!!" we broke.. I'm stubborn in love and i really wanted to go back.. coz i still love her..
AND I CAN SAY... I DUNNO WAD's the PROBLEM w/ our relationship... CAN anyone pls kindly tell mi.. WAD's WROng? i really wan u to tell mi straight, wad's wrong.. i dun tink anything wrong lorz.. i cant see the problem!!
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Every morning i cant control myself even up till today.. 3rd days ince the whole ting began.. Every morning my heart really hurts and tears keep flowing.. I noe i am weak but i cant help it.. The only person who can lift my mood up right now is her..
I really dun understand why cant she gimme another chance.. all i ask is.. 1 more.. I really wanted her to come back to mi badly.. I wanna make her happy again.. make her smile again..
Read her blog earlier, she said she was disappointed.. utterly disappointed.. i really wonder why.. and wad izzit abt..
I juz wish all those past time we did and spent tgt, will really juz come back..i dun wanna any change in my previous lifestyle.. i wan her... i wan... =(
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I Finally decided sth.. after tinking thru and tokin to various ppl..
She dun love mi anymore.. That's wad she said.. I may not have a chance to get her back anymore.. Even if i may, the chance might be juz 0.1%.. But.. I'm not giving up On her Frm now on.. I believe i can win her Back!
I decided i will do wad i deem right and eventually,If i happened to make her irritated or wad so eva the consequences is, I will bear no regret to it.. Right now, It's impossible to ask mi nt to do anything.. So i will do sth.. wad i tink is right..
Coz i really wanna salvage it, i will do everything that i can.. and nt dragging other ppl in.. I should be strong and handle the problem myself.. instead of findin other ppl..
I'm sorry to all those ppl i dragged in.. Sorry Peeps.. Thx for helping mi.. But i decided i will take things on my own hand frm now on..
What i'm gonna do is.. From wad i know of her, she is not a bad person. i dun tink she will say dun love mi and no feeling for mi all of a sudden.. even if she says it's actually been for some time, but tues we were still going on alright ar..
That's why I tink the reason why she said it was coz she was angry and frustrated by the fact i keep complaining abt her..
So Right now, I'm gonna giv her time to tink.. and cool down.. Seen her real pale ytd.. I told "someone" to help mi take real good care of her for mi.. Really worried abt her.. and since exam coming soon, i will contact her after exam.. Maybe we can patch back by den.. I decided to proceed on giving her "that" wished she'll be touched.. And i might give her a letter tml or friday.. =)..
I really wan to tell her and let her tink,
Pls dun treat our relationship based on feelings. Coz it'll come and fade, Come and Fade again.. (I tink that's why u said no feeling for mi le..) Instead, Go on and love the person for who he/she is. I have my flaws and She has hers.. I really love u for who u r.. Both ur good and ur bad.. that why i wont find another gal anymore.. i juz want u even if there're prettier and betta character gal than u, i dun wan.. I love ur imperfectness.. i juz wan u.. that's my perserverance of why i wan u back badly and Only u...
Althou i complained alot.. but tat's mi being straight forward.. i really hate to be honest right now.. every relationship, Honesty kills it.. that's wad i tink..
I really love u Dear.. I wan u come back...
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Woke up early again.. I really dun understand.. Why Is she feeling Miserable and i'm feeling so miserale oso after the break? If that's so.. wad's she tinking.. She's not that bad gal everyone knew.. All who noe her well know she is not her right now.. her character is not liddat..
She looked so pale, She doesn't look happy anymore.. I really wished i can make her happy... Replace her sad face w/ a smile. I really wanna do that.. But I cant! I cant even call/tok/sms/meet her.. I'm feeling tremendous amount of pain in my heart while controlling myself to hold back on all the calls and sms until term break. I really wanna b w/ her.. i believed we still love each other.. Maybe it's self deceiving.. but.. I really wan us get back again.. i dun wanna see her sad face... ='(
I love U Dear.. I really do.. Sobz
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Today I woke up early again.. i nv eat for like 2 days already.. i dunno why.. i juz dun have that appetite and i'm losing my slp.. no matter how early or late i slp, i will wait up early.. I'm afraid of slping right now.. i'm afraid after i slp.. tml morning i will tink abt her again and cry.. Haiz.. Been feeling more miserable ever since ytd..
keep tinking back on the times where we spent w/ each other.. our memories.. all the sweet things. i really cant tink of anything bad abt her.. She's a very nice gal.. I dun wish to lose her.. She's my everything, my Ideal dream kind of gal.. Haiz.. I really want back the times when we're tgt still..
I dun like to be alone.. ever since long time ago.. I believe no one does.. when i'm alone, i'll tink more.. and feel sad and cry..
Then when i reached sch, I juz realised i had 2 quiz tat day.. lec quiz and tut quiz.. i nv study at all.. and i nv eat.. and i dun have the mood to do anything.. I'm like a living zombie now.. then in my mind, i tell myself to avoid seeing her.. coz i dunno wad to do when i saw her.. yet.. my heart is telling mi to look out for her.. and.. i followed my heart... and yes i did saw her.. twice..
1st is at com lab.. said hi to her and she waves back.. but i can see she's not realy happy either.. then i ask if i can tok to her outside, she said no to mi... i really feel sad that everything has to be so nasty.. i really wan time to go back.. so everything can be back to normal again.. And i noe it'll be hard.. but i'll keep trying..
2nd time is when i was actually cryed outside the tut room.. and chee leong saw and asked mi.. then she walked past saying bye-bye to us.. Then a thought cross my mind that i should chase to her and DO sth..
And Yes, i did. And i tok to her.. i was on the verge of dropping tears i tink she can see oso.. But as i tok to her to tell her how bad i have been feeling eva since, i notice how pale she look like.. This really isn't her last time.. She was always cheerful.. It really hurts mi to see her so pale..
Then in my mind, a voice keep telling mi.. why is she looking so pale? she's feelng that miserable too? If that's so why cant we get tgt and everything will shine once more.. I promise and i wan to make her happy again.
I really wan to see her smile again no matter wad.. sob.. then now i'm going to wait until term break until i contact her again.. this is wad i decide for myself.. i should give her time to cool down.. but I'm afraid i dun have the perserverance to hold myself back frm smsing and calling her.. i trying very hard to control my feelings now.. all i can pray is a Positive reply at the start of term break.
My heart feeling very sore and painful every now and then.. I feel very restless now.. Juz pray for her to come back to mi soon
Wondering if she will eva read my blog again.....
I love u for who u r.. I'm sorry to keep complaining abt u last time.. I was too indulge by depression and confusion.. I wished u can gib mi a chance.. and i will keep trying no matter if the chances are 0%, i will juz wait.. =(
Pls come back to mi soon...
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
I'm extremely sad now.. I keep thinking back.. I really wanna get back tgt w/ my Dear Ad3..
During work, i keep thinking abt her.. until i cried for like 1 hrs.. while cutting the fish... My heart Tears alot.. Everything is gone now.. My lifestyle.. All gones...
I keep tinking back on like.. every sat if we go out, at the end our last stop will be esplanade whereby we will go to the library and borrow her piano book tgt b4 going home.. I really missed that time now.. I wanna go back to the past.. And juz now after work, I really sad.. LAst time.. I alawys noe she will be dere for mi.. Wheneva i go home, i can call her.. or at least i noe i can have someone i can call wheneva i need to.. But now.. Not anymore...
It's hurting mi so much.. that i feel as thou i'm being tore apart.. My heart aches.. We been tgt for 5 months 20 days.. and It has been my longest i really dun wanna it to end..
I really wished i could apologised to u personally.. That i been complaining so much abt u.. over the slightest thing.. each time i complained to u.. i realy regretted it.. but now, i really wish i can get u back..
I hab decided to wait for u.. Coz there isn't any gal out dere tat is like u.. I like ur everything.. I dunno when i started complaining.. but i can say it's due to my depression.. haiz.. I really hope u will read my blog.. and change ur mind.. I wan u to be back to mi.. I'm trying everything i could even w/ the slightest 1% chance, i will try.. I really dun wanna lose u.. and i wan u come back to mi.. I wan.. =(
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
Suddenly woke up at 5.30am and i cant slp anymore and decided that i should blog... My Dreams is to be w/ u.. And I wan nth else.. =)
Juz smsed Dear a sms.. I dunno if tat sms will help or instead kill mi.. Right now i feel lotsa Heartaches.. I really wan time to go back.. juz go back to the night it happen.. that i nv made that 2nd call and everything would be fine already.. Sobz..
I realised how much i cant lose her.. I really juz couldn't afford to.. To me. She is my best fren and my gal friend at the same time.. Even though she said if we happen to "B***K", she will be my fren still and always be there for mi.. But the prob is.. i dun wanna that to happen.. i dun wan any changes in my lifestyle now.. I'm really happy and contented w/ my life like i got a gf, i got my family, frenz and studies.. i really dun wanna lose anything Right Now.. I'm contented already..
I noe many things had happened between us.. I'm really feeling bad that i keep complaining abt u this and tat.. I really hate this feeling i having now.. Hate this Thought i am having now.. I'm feeling so heartache and my heart really hurts... the moment i thought u would leave mi.. and not my gf anymore.. =(
I really wanted u to be my gf still.. even thou i had said i will respect ur decision, I really dun wanna the ans to be a B**** Please really think back on how we started and how we have come together.. Tink of all the good things k?
Like that time in K box we sing tat "Ni Zhui Zhen Gui" song for 10 times and it means " You're my Most Precious" and i believed we're the best couple to eva sang tat song and we truly feel tat way.. juz remember the times when i piggy back u.. when i walk u home or sing songs for u... And tat time at sports hall.. A rainbow appear infront of u and mi.. Those are all the sweet things... and
This is really wad i hav been tinking in my mind up till now...
All the good tings u have said/done to mi..
I really believe in this world, i can find no other gal like u anymore.. U r very unique and special.. U r the 1st gal tat eva tolerated my nonsense and u noe, my "TINK TOO MUCH" is my old and bad habit.. i am really trying to change since the first day u told mi i got this prob..
And to be honest after i tink thru, i'm really unsure of the cause of this breakup..
All i can guess it's becoz of my nonsense (tink too much) till negative and complained abt u.. I really hav no idea why i always complained abt u.. and everything only after i complained and tink, I realised i really dun have the need to complain abt u.. And each time i complained, i actually regretted coz i noe it will add stress into u.. And that's mainly all.. all thar i can say now is really.. I tink i am under depression.. Please stay by mi... I ddun wan any other gals.. i juz wan u... And U r the last gal i will find... I'm nt finding any other gals anymore.... ='(
I would like to apologise for the hurts i bring into ur life.. But i can feel my depression is getting over soon and everything will be as it is since day 1. I'm nt myself now.. a devil is controlling my mind.. Pls.. let us join hands to defeat this devil in mi..
Fate brought us so far.. as to 5months + that u have become my longest gf and i become ur longest bf.. I believe it happened for a reason.. We're compatible for each other.. Remember wad u said in ur blog once? "Why ppl wanna break up when they have already been so long together, they have been compromising and tolerating each other so long already yet, Why cant they do the same too instead of breaking.." We're going onto our 6th months soon already.. pls let it happen and continue till our deaths..
I really wished we can "Bai Tou Dao Lao" Please let it come true?
There's still future between us.. juz that it's being blurred by this problem... Juz calm down.. and i need u in my life.. i would nv want the "B****" to eva come true..
All i asked for is.. Give each other some more chances.. I believe everything will work out eventually de and both of us will be happy... =) ok?
I'm always happy w/ u by my side.. juz meetin u and toking to u makes mi happy already.. and i noe u dun like stress.. i'm sory that i added it to u.. it's my ignorant selfish part.. Believe in mi and that i can find the balance between us.. and that we both eventually happy ok? Happily eva after..
NO one is Perfect.. and it's thru Imperfect we find Perfectness..
Dear.. U r always my Dear no matter Wad.. And I love u..
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
The worst thing tat will happen, Has Happened..
I hope i can overcome this ordeal that is set in mi now..
I hope it can get off smoothly like it is during our 3rd month.. I tink I every 3 months will go crazy ba?
Sigh.. I feel so REstless, So moodless and down.. All i wan now is to overcome my obstacle smoothly...
God pls help mi...
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
Recently i dunno wad's going on in mi..
I know sth is wrong w/ mi.. Haiz.. but i dunno wad's the causes of it..
All i can say is tat I become a petty Guy tat complained the slightest thing possible abt my gf..
Can anyone help mi to get over this ordeal of mine? I really cant control this feeling.. I couldn't make it go away... I dun wanna it to exist in mi... i Juz wan to be the same old mi again, always sweet to my gf..
But come to tink of which, the cause might be my gf.. =( I dunno why but I seems so insignificant to her.. I ask her out, she told mi she wanted to go home have an early rest.. then her fren ask her out and she agreed.. What have i done to deserve such treatment.. It's disappointing... ='( I wished time turn back to our 1st month.. and Stay dere.. Where she always concerned abt my well-beings..
Tat's 1 of the negative thoughts i have juz today.. Everything seems coming down into mi.. My life isn't my life anymore.. a few nights, when i am on the way home crossing the highway, how i wished a car would skii and Bang onto mi.. sending mi "OFF" to somewhere else but not this world... I feel so miserable that i wanted to end my life!!!..
Why am i Whining and Complaining so much!!!! ArgH!!!! I HAte Myself.. Juz feel like cutting myself.. So helpless.. Am I under depression!!??
I bought miseries. stress, Unhappiness into her life... Which i dun wan to.. and now tat i did, i feel so useless.. A guy that cant even protect her own gf.. =(
Can Someone Juz Help Me?
I really needed someone's help.. Help mi to get well.. help mi and accompany mi, bear w/ my doings... Is there anyone who can do such things to mi? =( If there is i really wished him/her to guide mi in my life nOW!!..
Even If i complained to my gf, She couldn't help mi coz she will get annoyed by my words and irritated.. Haix... Who can i Turn to....
Pls help mi God.... SObx...
Light up my life again and bring happiness to Adeline My Beloved Dear... It hurts mi always to see her unhappy..
~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~'`*`'~
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